(Initially posted on Facebook in September)
So I found these awesome boots on Zappos. I love boots; they're all I'd wear if I could. (With clothes, that is.) These particular boots were dark cherry red patent polyurethane, knee-high (and waterproof!). Gorgeous. But did I need them? Not sure. So I put them in my cart and left them there ...
I realized about a week later when I was talking about "my" boots as if I'd already bought them that it didn't matter if I needed them. They were mine. Body, heart, and soul. So I ordered them.
Now Zappos has one of those really cool systems where they save your information so all you have to do is click "Order" and you're done. No pesky forms to fill out or credit card information to enter. You just click order, and that's it. Voila! Boots are on their way.
It would have been nice if I had realized that when I clicked that "Order" button, because as I did so, I realized that they still had my old address. No big deal, right, I have to enter my new address anyway, right?
No! Ahhhhh! Stop that internet message! Ahhhh. It went through. What to do?!?? #&^*!@%
OK, breathe. Stop panicking. (The order just went through! No pesky (or in my case, necessary) forms to fill out. No red tape. It. Just. Went. Through.) Kersplickety!
Well, that's ok, I thought. (Deep breath) The address doesn't match my credit card anymore, so they'll kick back the order and say it can't be processed and then I can enter my new information.
Fuduggit! The order went through! What to do? What to do? Oh! Look! They have a live 24/7 chat; I'll just log on there ... and wait ... and wait ... and wait some more ... until I finally get the message that something's wrong with their chat system.
Ok, not the end of the world. I'll send them an email: Dear Zappos, I just ordered some uber-cool boots, but my old address was in your system. Can you please change it to my new address (inserted here).
(Aside: as I was writing this message, I received one from Zappos saying my order had been expedited. Normally, a good thing. In this situation? Not so good.)
A very nice customer service person named Zach wrote back (very quickly too) to say that, sorry, the order had already been processed, so no, they could not change the address. (Already processed?! In twenty minutes? Who the hell do they have working for them and why aren't they working at my local Taco Bell?!?!?!) But, Zach wrote, it's no problem, just call Zach in the morning and he (or some other customer service person) can contact UPS and have UPS change the address. Easy-peasey, right?
No! After I called the next morning to get this sorted out, I received an email saying that they had upgraded my order from ground to overnight so UPS could not change the address as it was too far into the system. Ahhhhh! Normally, awesome. Now, BAD.
But, since zappos couldn't get it changed, they gave me a proactive refund. I love zappos for being so understanding, but I don't want the refund, I want my boots!! If they get returned, please send them to me! I'll even pay for shipping!
OK, only thing left to do is go by the old house (weird) and ask for my boots. As soon as I could (didn't think it would be right to go by after dark -- don't want them to think some creep is at their door), I went by there. And guess what? The day before, the new owner took them back to UPS! AHHHHH!
First, how can someone be so on top of things?! Didn't she ever hear about leaving something for two weeks until she finally got around to doing something about it? Sheesh. Second, if it were me in her situation, I would have called my realtor (after about two weeks, the standard let-something-sit-around time) and asked him to call their realtor to find out where the boots should be sent. Easy, right? Apparently, not.
So now, my boots are back in UPS hands and I don't know what they do with unwanted packages. So I called the local UPS store to find out. UPS store gave me the 800 number for UPS ... which turned out to be an adults-only porn line. AHHHHH! (For real) (I hung up before the warning message ended.)
Turns out UPS store guy had transposed two of the numbers. Finally got the right number and called to find out that my boots were in UPS custody and were being held until I could get there to release them ... during normal business hours, of course.
Next day, first thing, I went to UPS. Got my package. Put it in the trunk. Figured after all I went through, if they didn't fit, the rest of my day would be ruined. So I got my other errand done (returning the #6 dvd (that was left in my dvd player) from a dvd series that I had already returned (two weeks before ... note the standard two-week let-it-sit-around time) that they were going to charge me $89.99 for ... what?!?!?!?!) and had a meeting with my boss, and then went home to try on my boots.
As I opened the package (after debating whether I should eat lunch first), I wondered whether they would look as good in the flesh as they did online. What if they didn't? Could I really return them after all the fuss?
I opened the box, peeled away the paper and .... they were (are) gorgeous. Shiny, dark red. Glossy. Passionate. Just what I look for in a good pair of boots.
Now the real test ... would they fit? I first went upstairs and got a couple pairs of socks. Have to be sure, you know. And then I pulled them on.
And they fit! Wah-HAH! HA-HA!!!! HA HA HA HA!!! After all that, they fit!!!
So I now have a perfect pair of shiny, cherry red, waterproof boots to "walk all over ... you." (I'll only walk (or, rather, frolic -- one cannot merely walk in such fabulous boots as these) in puddles, actually)
Ha! This will be the start of a beautiful relationship.
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